I wrote these last week and today. I took the one I posted earlier and changed it to one sentence and made it first person then continued Debbie's story. She's a student in one of my classes. It's basically true with a few added poetic images.
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I hang my head, greasy hair a shield; no homework again; now, no home.
How can I concentrate on school work when my parents just kicked me out?
Was I wrong in refusing to give my whole paycheck to my parents?
As the social worker drones on, I spy a lone bird fly by outside.
I need to find a ride to work, a place to sleep, an apartment, love.
I try to concentrate on a test while outside the rain turns to snow.
While walking to a friend’s house, I see my mom drive by and ignore me.
I’ll have my own apartment starting next week: three rooms all to myself.
I wonder if my parents will miss me or if they’ll miss the money.
Today’s homework’s done; sun on white birch trees: exclamation points!
17 comments:
These are fabulous - I love the way they all work together, or stand alone equally well.
And what a gripping story they tell.
Marvelous job!
Excellent....they are perfect alone or together. Good work, Linda!
this is a wonderful way to tell stories. they have their own rhythm and permit loose transitions between them.
Very good work. I hope the ending of the story is true.
Linda, that was superb, I feel sad for the girl she is ....the sentiment comes through so clearly in these sentences, thank you for sharing.
Really powerful poetry! I'm amazed by all you have infused into your American Sentences.
This is reall touching -- and feels quite authentic to the age.
love the way you have used these sentences as the building blocks for a poetic story.
I love the narrative you've built up and how you've conveyed so much emotion and the hope at the end is lovely, lets hope things go well for her.
One reflecting piece. Flowingly so...
Each individual poem is great and as a story they work so well together.
Rose
xo
I love the one about the bird outside the social worker's office. I also really like how you made these follow a story! Thank you!
Excellent! Works well as a poem - This is a piece of social history - Also, I can see the sentences working as text in the thought bubbles of a comic strip...
Thank you everyone! Debbie is still homeless but our principal interceded and contacted Health and Human Services so they are helping her get situated. She's a senior and just turned 18 so her parents can't be held accountable. So sad! She told me her father gets some money from disability but mostly he just sits at home all day playing games on the computer. I think she'll be better off without them!
That is so sad...
Beautiful...that last one especially got me.
Love,
D.
So sad.
Will Keep the Girl in
My Prayers!!!
I also made a comment at the bottom where your collage is.
Have a Blessed Month, Linda!
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