Tried to write a tritina instead of a sestina. It sort of worked!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Save your ridicule.
It’ll only make me hiss.
Nothing you can do can absolve
you. You are a scab, solv-
ing your own ridicule-
filled life by trying to erase your his-
tory. You pick at the wounds and hiss
then try to hurt me to absolve
your own guilt from the ridicule
inflicted by parents who thought ridicule
was a form of love. Turn your hiss-
es into kisses and our issues will be solved.
18 comments:
Ack! You've got a bad "you're" in there! Please fix!
An interesting take on a tritina, but isn't a tritina supposed to be 10 lines long, with the last line using all three words?
Love that you turned "absolve" into "scab. solve". Although I wouldn't call this a great poem (sorry), it is a lovely bit of wordplay.
Tricky bit of wordplay with the 'scab, solving'. Nice!
Better to give such people a wide berth :-)
You made an interesting use of the prompt.
So much feeling in here! Your words really threw back some punches to all those who use power to ridicule..nicely done..Jae
Thanks, 4ndyman! It's fixed. That'll teach me to hurry. I know the ending wasn't done right; that's why I said it sort of worked. It was fun even if it wasn't right.
Good one!!! Enjoyed it..
loved the word play and the construction in this.
'ridicule was a form of love...' God how do i relate. Nice write. Love and Light, Sender
Interesting.. :)
I like the way you change subtly the keywords to make the poem flow.
I know what you mean about ridicule: many teachers use it as a weapon, rather than love, but the result is the same.
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