He promised her the moon
All she wanted was a home
He promised to take care of her
She sighed as she headed to work
He said she was his everything
She picked up his dirty socks
He apologized for cheating on her
She kicked him out
He begged to be taken back
She wiped the stardust from her eyes.
28 comments:
Oh what a sad ending Linda. This was a very unique take on the prompt,well done.
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
loved the progression and the close !!! perfect :)
Thank you. If you're promised the moon take it quick(ly)!
Been there, done that with a reversal of gender. I finally got over it and just then Mrs. Jim came along. I wasn't even looking for her. Lots more stardust of a more lasting quality appeared this time.
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BTW, English teachers tend to intimidate me more than does a tall women standing beside me in an elevator!
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My first thought: "I wrote this. Am writing this. Will write this." Well, very well, done.
well girl if that isn't life in the raw i don't know what is.....
i dont like empty promises. :( nice take on the prompt!
I like the ending. She did good.
playing for pleasing the moon
One hell of a reality check there. Excellently hard hitting.
Raw and sad...so well done!
Hugs Giggles
I'm not sure all those fairy tales we grew up with were helpful, but then again, it's never too late to get the stardust out.
Oh, this is beautiful. Sad, yes, but beautiful.
Most promises do seem to be made of stardust and relationships are never what we think they are. Nice job of portraying the insight of reality.
Unlike some of the others, I don't see this as "sad" but as triumphant; standing up for one's self isn't sad. There's wisdom and courage here. I like the contrasting lines, what was promised, what was received.
Careful of those guys who promise the moon!
I love the way you ended your poem!
and good for her, too - finally!
Terrific interpretation of the prompt!
Love it--too bad we don't wipe that stardust from our eyes WHILE they're promising us those moons! ;)
.."English teachers tend to intimidate me more than does a tall woman standing beside me in an elevator!"_
~great poem-a very happy new year!..
I love the image of stardust in our eyes. This was sad but so real. I too love all the different takes on "stardust" (Thanks for your kind comment).
I liked the fact that this piece is so differently tilted re the prompt. It is amazing to me how much moon talk and stardust we'll gather until something shifts. Many people related to this. Well done piece; well written and direct.
It's that story. Yes. Excellent - well written and vibrant with truth.
Something for you here :
http://creatingnewblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/awarded.html
Ungratefulness meets the boot... I love it!
Love this poem.
Yeah, buddy...!
Thanks for the wisdom that is obviously there.
You got the trajectory so right--wow...
Thanks--no stardust in your eyes!
That is powerful but but good for her for kicking him out!! She deserved the moon!
Great the way you presented their opposing point of views. I too have had experience of a man who didn't deliver.
I like the triumphant feeling at the end, 'wiping stardust from her eyes' Lesson learned. (She still has her own though, carried inside....)
Even if the ending may have been sad at first, your strength, like the power of the stars, shines through in your writing.
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